The Night Before Smutmas
by Mary West
Summary: I was supposed to write 250 words - I ended up with a 14 verse poem. Oops. It's Snape/Luna/Hermione, and it's rather naughty...


**The Evening of Smutmas.**

Twas the evening of Smutmas, that oft-angsted night  
When people just cannot seem to get things right.  
They'll start out with mistletoe, drenched in perfume  
And make eyes at targets across the Head's room,  
Then move with deliberate, small, swaying skips,  
Their skirts swinging lusciously, draped from their hips  
Their radish-red earrings are twinkling and gay  
For Severus Snape's in the radar this day.

Now fear not, dear reader. There's more to be told,  
For Luna was not by herself being bold.  
She'd screwed up her courage to finally move  
And tell her old teacher just what made her groove.  
But this same sweet Smutmas, Hermione was busting  
To tell poor old Severus just how she's lusting.  
And heaven forbid, what should one teacher do  
When rather than one woman, he'll soon have two!

Poor Severus, ignorant, sipping his punch  
Was wondering if he had room after lunch  
(For Winky, the House Elf, supposing him starved,  
Had fed him the roast pork, especially carved,  
And acres of shortbread and custard galore  
Till he'd had to order her not to bring more)  
And, tired and tipsy, he thought about bed  
And sleeping 'til midnight to clear out his head.

They all were reclining inside the Head's room,  
Remembering days when they'd faced certain doom.  
Dumbledore's portrait, so smug on the wall  
Had talked for three hours and threatened some more  
Headmistress Hermione, the such-clever dear  
Got sick of the stories, and, blocking her ears,  
Used some initiative, and used her clout  
And told all the portrait folk just to get out.

She thought she'd managed it, she thought she'd won,  
Turned to the Potions-man, ogled his bum,  
Thought of him naked, tried not to stare,  
Thought about taking him right in that chair.  
Wished she had time to just drag him away  
Ready to bonk him all night and all day  
And as she prepared herself, readied her "line"  
She almost missed out on her Severus time.

Approaching him slowly, dear Luna was stalking  
As with her own self she looked like she was talking  
She crept up beside him, then while no-one looked,  
Threw over Snape Darkness Powder she'd cooked.  
Suddenly blackness o'ercame the whole chamber  
His first thought was that they had come into danger  
"Lumos" he cried, and his wand he pulled free  
But nothing was visible, no-one could see

"Identify, or risk my worst sort of hex!"  
Poor Snape was quite worried that his death was next.  
There came back a giggle, then one other laugh,  
"Oh Severus, I just can't trust all my staff.  
My old Potions teacher, who now rules with me  
Has drawn in the Charms mistress - should we make three?"  
And Luna said "Yes, please", and, being right there  
She put her arms round him, fondled his hair.

"Miss Lovegood! Desist! I cannot stress enough  
That either you're joking, or I'll call your bluff.  
Remove your soft hands from my backside at once,  
And don't put them _there_ - I am not such a dunce.  
Miss Lovegood! Consider! Is this what you seek?  
If you were a student you'd scrub for a week  
Is this the behaviour a teacher should show?  
Remove those warm fingers! Miss Lovegood! Let go!"

Using the protesting voice as a mark,  
Hermione stepped into the magical dark.  
She felt her way gently, and then touched a cork,  
And had no great need to make any small talk,  
She pulled gently on it, and felt Luna lean  
And kissed the soft neck of the sweet mavoureen  
Her lips travelled round, and they found Luna's mouth  
(And meanwhile Miss Lovegood's spare hand headed south)

Poor Snape couldn't concentrate. Somehow his mind  
Had stopped, and his logic had got left behind.  
He knew he should hinder them, maybe escape  
But not when THREE hands were now under his cape.  
He groaned. One long-fingered one now cupped his balls  
One was divesting his limbs of his "smalls",  
One had slipped somehow around his poor cock,  
And part of his silence was caused by the shock!

Surrendering, sweetly, he gave in with flair  
And gained enough sense to transfigure a chair,  
It became a mattress, with room on for three  
And all of them sank down with small sounds of glee.  
Hermione slipped Luna's dress over her head  
And down that girl's bosum her fast fingers sped  
Severus stripped the Headmistress as well  
And used both his hands and a fast stripping spell.

I'd like to give more information than this  
How all of them screamed, how they all found their bliss,  
How Luna showed gentle Hermione the way  
To make love to women for most of the day.  
The shagging that Severus gave out and got  
And noises that Luna made when she got hot,  
And oh how I wish I could draw you the sight  
Of all of them, sleeping, together, that night.

They kept things all quiet, but that was the start  
Of life for the three of them, sharing one heart.  
They pledged to each other not six weeks thereafter  
And often their nights were with joy and sweet laughter  
Severus, smiling now, knew he was blessed,  
And fondled, and loved, and much hugged and caressed,  
And Luna had found some needed stability,  
(She and Hermione both found their fertility)

So sleep now, dear reader. Enjoy Smutmas night.  
Dream of a spell that removes all the light.  
Slumber in thoughts of a few pairs of hands  
Questing in earnest through unexplored lands  
And maybe, just maybe, the echoing cry  
Of moaning and giggles will filter on by  
As high in the towers of Hogwarts, our three  
Celebrate Smutmas as it's meant to be.


End file.
